Madness
by CheesePie
Summary: Love has been described as a feeling that makes no sense; a random chemical reaction in your brain of which you have no control. Sometimes, love can be the deepest roots of Madness. Slight AU where Light is kira and is being chased down. LightxL, Yaoi, Dub-con.


**As always, i am embarassed to even have this saved in a document on my computer, so im sharing it with you all! this is the result of a heated discussion with one of my friends, who doesn't quite beleive in the magic of yaoi, and also the fact that i can't even go two days without writing something. **

**WARNINGS: OOC, smut, third attempt ever at writing something like this, cheesiness, dub-con, and ideas formed in the back of a moving minivan. don't like any of that stuff then i trust you know where the back door is.**

**DISCLAIMER: i own nothing. not even my own soul. but i'm sure that much must be clear by now.**

**on a final note, after i write something like this, i'm too embarassed to read it again or even acknowledge that i have indeed written it, so this is un-edited. BEWARE.**

* * *

L found himself in somewhat of an odd predicament and had to admit that out of everything, this was the outcome he had least predicted. However, that wasn't to say that he'd never considered this possibility, just that it had never seemed very likely.

He found the motel room ending a little cliché and wished idly that he'd been brought to a candy factory for his final moments – or what might very well be just that. This place smelled of damp wood and dust, the wall paper was mouldy and peeling, the carpet caked in mud and stained with dry blood and the curtains worn out just enough to let in the flashing red light of the motel sign. It was the only lighting within the dark room, as any other bulbs had been smashed or stolen.

There, at the end of the bed, sat Kira. There was enough evidence now to determine that Light Yagami was indeed Kira. He sat with his head hung, hair covering his eyes, hands gripping both knees tightly, deep in thought.

Yes, this was indeed an odd predicament that L found himself in, faced with Kira and already detained, arms bound and useless. He had wanted to laugh when he woke up, if only at the irony of the situation. It had only been a few days since he had been forced to drop all pending charges and suspicions of Light Yagami and now he found himself having been abducted by the boy, the reason remaining to be seen. He found it ironic somehow, that after finally granting the boy his freedom, Light had given it up to once again be in his presence.

L shook his head internally, realising that this was no longer Light he was looking at, but a murderer. He couldn't think of Light as a person any longer – though throughout their time knowing each other, L hadn't exactly spent much time doing so – but as his captor and possibly his own end.

He wasn't afraid. L simply found it funny that this was the way things had turned out.

"They're after you Light," the words came out a hoarse whisper. Though of course his words were calm because he wasn't afraid right now. Fear was irrational and that was the last thing he wanted to be right now.

"I know," Kira made no attempt to move. His voice was levelled and, had this been another day, another time, another situation, L would've been more or less sure he was listening to a sane man speak.

"They know who you are; they know what you've done."

"I know."

"They're going to find you Light, and kill you."

L knew this wasn't going anywhere, but it was a start. Hell, he didn't need to do anything now except stall for time, since the case had already been solved. They had their killer, now it was just a matter of waiting it out so that Kira could be properly punished.

Still, L was hardly – meaning it was an unlikely possibility – expecting the answer he received.

"I don't care," Kira looked up, leaning back, content for now to lay back, leaning on his arms for support, "I don't care."

"It's not like you to say something so frivolous, Light," not to mention these things that you're doing. "Have you forgotten your cause? A world with only good, law-abiding people?"

"I don't care about that anymore," Kira said, "I don't want that." He laughed, letting himself fall back completely.

He wasn't a man right then who had done awful things. He wasn't a killer being chased down by the police, nor did he have any real worries at all. Still, L could see insanity in those eyes and hear it in that laugh. There was no question right then that he was in the presence of Kira.

He wasn't the student, the good, well-mannered boy L had first met all that time ago. He was a mess now, though whether that was due to the pressures of being Kira, or some other insanity which he had developed over time, was debatable. It was a puzzle which needed solving, and sparked L's interest.

"If you no longer wish to obtain a perfect world, then why do you have me trapped here?" L simply couldn't hold back the verbal quotation marks, as the very notion of a perfect world was ridiculous.

No such thing existed.

Many answers to his own question flooded L's mind as he tried to solve this new puzzle fate had set out for him before his time ran out. He allowed the answer with the highest percentage of being correct, to slip out.

"Surely you must know that killing me won't keep them from arresting you."

Again Kira laughed, sitting up to face L, his soulless eyes seeming to burn right through him. "I'm not going to kill you," he said, "This isn't a trick to get myself free, you should have realised that much by now."

If he hadn't, L certainly realised _now_ that there was no murderous intent in those eyes, but something else that he couldn't quite get a read on. Light was acting very strange today, it seemed, but then he had been acting strange for a while now.

L had been in odd predicaments before, he had been faced with murderers before, seen their eyes, heard their voices and excuses – though Kira had yet to try and excuse himself – but this was the first time he really thought he might die.

"You don't want justice or freedom; it seems you've given yourself to the depths of madness. Tell me Kira-kun, if not these things, what is it that you want?"

Light was now entirely too close, having made his way across the bed, now leaning over L, held up on his hands and knees, they were inches apart but not touching at all. Their conversation had become nothing more than scarce whispers.

"On the contrary Ryuzaki, I want nothing more than a world free from evil. A world where I am in control and everybody bows down to me," his expression changed, contorting with the effort to do something, or not to do it, "well I thought that was what I wanted, anyway. I thought I would do anything to achieve my goals but when it really came down to it, I couldn't. I slipped up, I –"

It was hard to listen to this. Kira admitting he had done anything wrong seemed like a miracle but also not right. L didn't like it. He couldn't stand it. If Kira was to be brought to justice, he wanted it to be because he was caught not because he allowed himself to give up. But of course, that battle was already lost.

"So there's something you want? Something more important than Kira's vision of a new world?"

Light laughed a little, bitterly, showing once again that he had begun a slow decent into madness. "You know, at first I didn't understand it, I tried to fight it. But then I realised you must've done something to me, that was the only explanation. You must've done something to me and fucked everything up!"

"If you're referring to brainwash Kira-kun, I can assure you that we did no such thing," L informed with an unhelpful air of helpfulness. He wasn't at all frightened by the sudden shouting and was already detached from this situation.

"That's not what I mean Ryuzaki. Don't sit there and act like you don't know what I mean!" L stared back blankly at the now desperate eyes boring into his. "But I suppose it doesn't matter now, none of it matters, because I have you now, all to myself."

_"Ryuzaki, have you ever been in love?"_

_"That's an odd question. Why does Light-kun wish to know?"_

_The younger shrugged, refusing to look up from his feet, "I just wondered if you could tell me what it felt like."_

_L hummed in thought, the question seemed innocent enough._

_"Well Light-kun, I imagine it's a very illogical feeling, a feeling that forces you to acknowledge everything you once knew, as a lie," L said in his usual monotone, "I've never personally experienced it, but I imagine that being in love, is making one person the most important thing in your world," L stared in silence until Light met his gaze, all previous arrogance and confidence gone, "I imagine, Light-kun, that in a world such as this, falling in love is a very dangerous thing."_

"This is what you wanted," not a question, because L was beginning to figure it out.

"I didn't understand at first, I didn't get it. Why you of all people, why'd it have to be you?" L knew he should be afraid, having Kira's head rest against his shoulder, but he wasn't, "and then I realised, I realised you had done something to me. I realised you had done something to make me fall in love with you, and that was all that mattered. You were the only thing I wanted."

"And now you have me," L finished calmly, however his voice faltered feeling a soft kiss placed on his neck, "but for how long? They're all out there, looking for us Kira-kun," he paused again at the strangely soft feeling of Light's hand – the hand of a murderer – brushing hair from his eyes, and a kiss placed gently at the corner of his mouth. "They're going to kill you, Kira-kun."

"I know," Light murmured, his eyes full of a painful kind of desperation, "and I know that I should care but I don't, I really don't." he placed another kiss. And another, and another, his hand slid under the thin white of L's shirt, fingers exploring his thin body, causing a shiver to travel down his spine, while Light's mouth moved back down to the pale, unmarked skin of his throat.

L had no control and he hated that. He couldn't move his arms and Light had gotten into a position that made it hard to move his legs.

"Light, stop," he said breathlessly as he felt teeth scrape against the pulse point on his neck.

"I can't," Kira replied, "I don't know how. Ryuzaki I love you so much, it's impossible to control myself any longer," he emphasised these words by biting down again, surely hard enough to leave a mark and causing a sharp gasp from the man beneath him.

As Light sat up and began to tear off L's shirt, L began to realise, perhaps for the first time, that he was about to be raped by Kira. That had never been a possibility before, but now… words and reason wouldn't work, Light had clearly lost all sane thought to this cause, and he couldn't fight back.

"Kira-kun, think about this for a moment –"

"I have thought about this," Light confessed, licking and biting and touching freshly exposed skin, making sure to leave as many marks as possible, "many, many times."

L frowned, because his words weren't getting through and at this point, they were all he had left. He had to convince Light somehow, that this wasn't right.

"You don't love me, Light-kun," he bit out, fighting his own body for control as Light continued to touch him. He wouldn't allow himself to give in. "perhaps you should take into consideration the fact that you are merely a teenager and therefore not sufficiently prepared to recognise _true_ love."

"You said you'd never felt it yourself," Light pointed out, "so I don't think your opinion counts here."

_My opinion always counts,_ L fought the urge to say this, "Light-kun should also consider that, given the amount of time spent together, and with your unbalanced hormones, it's quite easy for the lines to blur between that which you hate and –"

Light had listened intently to what the other had to say, up until that point, finding it amusing that L thought words would affect him _now_ of all times. But at that point, he knew two things; he didn't have much time, and L would go on forever if given the chance. So he cut the other off with a kiss, desperate and sloppy and hopefully conveying the fact that _this was happening._

For a while after that, L didn't put up much resistance.

Despite himself, L was beginning to like the gentle touches – too gentle for somebody with blood on his hands – the hot, wet mouth trailing over is skin and even the strangely sane sounding, insane sweet-nothings escaping his captors mouth.

_"There's this… person… Ryuzaki, I don't know how to explain it."_

_"Take your time, Light-kun, and remember that you can say anything to me," L didn't bother to look up from his coffee as he fed Light some comforting, textbook words, "this is a safe space."_

_Light scowled, though it didn't keep, "I'm not a child, Ryuzaki!"_

_"Well Light-kun, you react to your feelings much like a child would. Perhaps if you tell Amane-san how you feel…"_

_"I'm not talking about Misa! Ryuzaki this is different… it's an angry feeling, it's painful almost… but I don't want it to stop," at that point, Light paused before saying, "I'm feeling sort of illogical today."_

Teeth scraped with an out of place harshness over a nipple and he arched his back at the foreign – but decidedly pleasant – feeling, clamping his eyes – and mouth – shut as Light ran his tongue over the bitten area, bringing a hand up to toy with the other, untouched pink bud and rousing a bout of muffled noises. L was conflicted for a moment, wanting to ask for more and for an end, both at the same time. He knew pointing out that this was rape would be pointless, as Kira obviously didn't play by the rules and so he remained as quiet as he could, though was unable to hold back from moaning at the strange feeling of being touched this way, never mind that it was by a killer.

He felt everything a lot stronger with closed eyes; the hands grasping his hips bone-crushingly tight, the thigh that had worked its way between his legs and the strangely not painful feeling of Light's teeth scraping against his skin, where his ribs were visibly outlined. He thought he heard Light say something along the lines of, too much candy, but L didn't think to reactivate his mind until he felt cold fingers breach the waistband of his jeans. He had ignored his arousal up until then but was now painfully aware of the fact that he was hard.

"Light stop," he tried again. His words, meant to be a stern whisper, came out a whimper.

"I'm sorry Ryuzaki. I can't," Light whispered back, "I need you," even if he hadn't spoken, the look in his eyes clearly said he had no intention of stopping.

His hand delved deeper into the reach of L's jeans, rubbing him teasingly through the fabric and kissing him to stifle any further protest. L's eyes widened at the sudden kiss and he thought quickly how to react. He couldn't pull away or push or fight and with that hand down his pants doing that he could barely think at all. A tongue pushed and prodded at his closed lips and he opened his mouth instinctively, feeling teeth nipping at his bottom lip. He embraced the taste of coffee – albeit bitter – that came from Light's mouth and ignored the feeling of his jeans being unbuttoned and pulled down.

Another thing that became obvious so suddenly, was Light's own arousal, pressing firmly against his still covered thigh. L closed his eyes tightly as thoughts filled his mind of what was about to happen. He wanted this to stop, but at the same time he wanted to know what it would feel like, to have the hand currently tracing teasing circles on him through the fabric of his boxers, on his throbbing cock.

It occurred to him momentarily that he could bite down right now, possibly cut out Kira's tongue if he were to do it hard enough, but that would only make Light angry, which wouldn't at all help this situation.

Light broke away and looked down, wishing that L could see the beautiful mess he'd become. He was panting, sweating, breathless, chest heaving up and down in an attempt to catch up, and covered in small bite marks and bruises. He was practically naked, flushed and exposed, helpless and at his mercy. This was everything Light had pictured and wanted for so long. He thought right then, it would be worth the fate that lay ahead of him, when he was forced to leave this room where everything was perfect and right.

"if you could see yourself right now Ryuzaki, you'd understand," Light murmured leaning down to plant a kiss at the base of L's throat, "you'd understand why I want you so badly, why I can't stop," why I've gone insane for you.

"You assume we see eye to eye o-on things l-like this?" L managed to pull a sentence together, though stuttered as that mouth trailed down his body and those hands slipped into his boxers, pulling them down slowly, "y-you're wrong Kira-kun. I could never understand a p-person like you, a person who simply takes what h-he wants with no ah-attention to rules or c-consequences."

"That's right," Light said disinterestedly, "I simply do as I please and take what I want. And right now Ryuzaki, all I want is you."

As Light spoke these words, he took the tip of L's cock into his mouth, satisfied with the surprised half-gasp, half-moan he received at the action. He wanted L to know the way he felt, he wanted L to lose his sanity, his ability to think straight, he wanted L to fall from his intellectual height and become an incoherent mess, even if just for a few moments.

Even if it was the last thing he saw.

Even if they walked in right as he was done and shot him in the back of his head.

Geez, wouldn't that be a way to go out?

He laughed suddenly, with that image in his mind, a bullet through his head, blood splashing all over an – as usual – unreadable L, dignified in some ridiculous way in all his naked, post-rape glory.

The small action sent vibrations rattling through L's body and he was forced to bite his tongue, having decided to no longer give Light the satisfaction of hearing his voice, though his arms strained without his consent against the chains, in a useless attempt to get to Light.

Light smirked, his eyes meeting and staring into L's dark depths, even as he took L in more and more, moving at a slow pace, allowing himself to relax and take in more, almost gagging when he felt the tip brush against the back of his throat. He continued to stare as he swallowed around L, wondering briefly what he must look like; dishevelled, desperate and insane, were all words that crossed through his mind, but were quickly dismissed in favour of listening to L and the sounds he was unable to stop himself from making.

"A-ah, Light!" he panted harshly, chains rattling above him, he willed himself to say, "S-stop!"

But of course, his words were ignored and Light simply continued his actions, pulling back slightly to lick and suck at the tip, enjoying the bitter, salty taste of pre-cum pooling there, as well as the conflicting moans that escaped L. his indecision was music to Light's ears, losing more and more sane thought as the seconds drew on.

Light abruptly pulled away right then, relishing privately in the disgruntled look and disapproving noise he received from L.

"I thought you didn't want this," he said, smirking down at L as he began to remove his own clothing, but not completely. He didn't want to be completely undressed when they found him and so simply unbuttoned his shirt, undid his pants and lowered his boxers just enough to function properly.

"I don't," L spat, uncharacteristically annoyed, "let me go, Kira-kun."

"You know, I don't think I want to do that," Light said, trailing his hand lightly over L's stomach, watching L shiver beneath him in the most beautiful way. "Besides, if I let you go now, you'll miss the best part."

Light pressed his fingers to L's closed mouth, smirking at the look of passive resistance he received.

"This is happening whether you like it or not," he whispered in the other's ear, "it's up to you how much it hurts."

After that, there was no resistance and his fingers were taken in. he felt L's tongue slide shyly around his fingers, covering them, coating them equally in the hopes that this wouldn't hurt so bad, and biting down slightly, both in disobedience and out of habit. Light couldn't help but wonder what it would be like to put that mouth to other uses, but knew there would never be another chance.

He withdrew his fingers, not caring if they were wet enough or not but growing impatient and now painfully hard. The gentle manner in which he'd previously behaved, was gone and he forced L's legs further apart, sliding in between them and pushing two fingers roughly into him. Upon noticing how unbearably tight L was, Light smirked, leaning down to kiss away a few stray tears that had already fallen. While roughly thrusting his fingers in and out, pulling them apart and hastily stretching L, he whispered teasingly, "is this your first time, Ryuzaki?"

"I d-don't – ah! M-make it a habit of e-engaging in this t-type of activity," L responded, somehow still able to form full sentences.

"That's good," Light murmured, pushing in another finger, pushing in deeper, "I don't like the thought of anyone else touching you."

L stored this new, possessive layer of Light's insanity, for later.

It wasn't something he could dwell on properly when Light's fingers brushed just the right spot inside him, to make his vision go white and his back to arch.

"Light!" he cried out, willing himself to ask Light to stop, but the words would no longer form and he couldn't fight it anymore. It wasn't until Light removed his fingers and lined himself up and began to push in. "Light! Light stop! Oh god, Light!"

It felt right then, right in that moment, that he was being ripped apart; it hurt so badly, being stretched beyond his limits. He couldn't breathe, he could barely see, he could feel the chains around his wrists tearing through his skin as he tried to get away from that awful feeling.

Light lapped at his tears, feeling only a little bad for what he was doing. He paused for a moment, allowing them both to get used to the feeling. It felt amazing, every bit as good as he thought it would be. He finally had what he wanted; L was completely his now, everything was perfect.

"Heh, sorry Ryuzaki, but this really is your fault," Light said breathlessly. It took far too much effort to remain still, "you did something to me, and I simply couldn't resist falling in love with you."

"Give it a rest," L bit out, voice strained with the effort of concealing his pain, "enough with the love crap. It's all just an excuse."

Light shifted slightly, a blissful sigh escaping him and a pained moan escaping L. he said, "I'd really like to say that's true, I'd give anything for that to be true. But face the facts Ryuzaki; I'm going to die because of this. If I didn't love you, this wouldn't be worth nearly as much."

Indeed, the facts didn't offer any other answers – though L really couldn't examine them properly like this.

"A-alright, I'm ready. Move," L said hoarsely, moving his hips slightly to prove his words. It still stung like hell, but he decided to wait it out. Besides, he didn't like the way this conversation was suddenly so depressing.

Light eagerly did as he was told, rocking his hips slowly at first before picking up speed, noticing the pained expression his partner wore and ignoring it, completely lost by now to the pleasure coursing through him. It was so hot inside of L, and tight too, with every movement he made he could feel L clamping down around him and it felt amazing like, no words could possibly begin to describe it. He could tell when the pain started to melt away because suddenly L's almost silent whimpers became moans, he was panting near incoherent fragments of Light's name and wrapped himself tightly around Light, pulling him closer, deeper inside himself and crying out loudly when Light brushed against that one spot.

"Light, oh god Light do that again!" he had gone from rape-victim to willing-participant in the stretch of only a few minutes, and Light was happy to oblige his request, positioning himself to hit that spot each time, causing L to become even less coherent than before.

This is what he'd wanted. This is why he'd given it all up. This is why he couldn't stop. He needed L like this; he needed to see him destroyed like this. This was all he needed.

He could feel himself reaching the edge and began to stroke L's still hard, still throbbing cock, determined to last longer than the older male. He matched his strokes with his now out of time, sporadic thrusts, feeling that all too familiar coil in his stomach that told him he was so close.

L was on the edge. He could barely see or hear or even feel but he knew he was on the edge, and the way Light was touching him right now was wonderful; enough to drive him insane should it last too long.

He felt warmth flow through his body and didn't hear himself cry out, but knew he had and he felt something hot and sticky spill out inside of him.

He was exhausted. He stopped fighting, physically, mentally and although he guessed it hadn't counted in the first place, he stopped fighting emotionally. Light had him now, in every way he wanted to.

But the sirens in the very near distance couldn't be ignored. They'd been found.

He kept his eyes closed and listened to the bed creak, felt it sink and felt the chains fall undone. Too bad, he was too tired to want to get up right now.

He heard the cars pull up, talking and footsteps outside, and before he left the land of consciousness, L heard a single, sincere whisper.

"I'm sorry, Ryuzaki."

* * *

**this isn't like what i usually write... i felt like trying something new...**

**Review if you want. if i can crawl out from under my bed, where im currently hiding in shame, i might gather up the courage to read them. *runs and hides under bed for all eternity***


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